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DNR and my Mother In Law
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| eminmini |
Posted on 03/02/2010 06:45
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Administrator
Posts: 3420
Joined: 09.07.07
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Praying for you all.
((( hugs )))
Love,
em
"Beloved, do not imitate what is evil, but what is good. He who does good is of God, he who does evil has not seen God." 3 John 1:11 |
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| Jellybean62 |
Posted on 03/02/2010 09:08
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Senior Contributor
Posts: 718
Joined: 08.08.07
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Father, we pray for acceptance for this program for Pat's MIL. Your arm is not short in anything Father. Here our prayers and bring peace and willingness to this entire family. Honor Pat and her DH for their willingness to help. Amen.
If we have not love we have nothing |
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| Gramapat |
Posted on 03/02/2010 17:39
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Tribal Elder
Posts: 1450
Joined: 19.08.07
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So, today started out quietly...then I got out of bed.
Dale went off to work early, so that he could get back home for when the folks from Senior Companions got here at 11...but he was already in quite a panic state before he left for work, worrying about how Mom would react.
Mom was NOT in a good mood when she got up, but condescended to allow me to make some oatmeal for her breakfast....
The folks from Senior Neighbors got here at 10:45, and Mom was royally ****ed. She pretended to be asleep rather than have anything to do with them. When Dale got home we all discussed things around Mom. Dale attempted to speak with her and she went into a tirade about how SHE (meaning me)had already forged his signature on the paperwork and never even consulted her! (Not true- Dale had already let her know and he made all of the arrangements)
She said we treat her as if she is not even a person, she can take full care of herself and we never even asked her about moving in with us, that she had been doing just fine in her apartment....yada yada yada.....
Dale tried to make her see some reason, he reminded her that she had given him power of attorney to make these decisions for her, but she kept right on insisting that we were not informing her about anything, not allowing her to make any decisions, she is perfectly capable of taking care of herself...
They ended up shouting at each other. When the shouting was over she calmly said, "I'll probably get sick now."
Self-fulfilling prophecy, she probably will develop another high-blood pressure headache and she will blame getting sick on our having upset her by bringing these people in for no reason....ever the martyr....never responsible for any of her own problems... refusing to see that she is the one who is NOT being safe and we will be responsible when she falls or hurts herself trying to fix her own lunch...
I would not be suprised to find out that the Companion does not want to ever set foot near our home again! I know I am not very happy to be near her when she is on a rant....and then to have Dale yelling back at her...well....not a very good first impression!
So Dale was still very upset, but went right back to work after scarfing down a sandwich...I called him in the middle of the afternoon and he said he was OK, but did not sound it.
I has supper almost ready when the phone rang. On the way home from work Dale was having chest and shoulder pain and his heart was racing, so he went straight to the ER. He had called me from the parking lot to let me know that he was at the hospital ....I called both daughters- Missy went to the hospital, Katie came to the house to stay with Mom.
They did an EKG and took an xray, did some blood work and gave him an injection to relax him. He was diagnosed as having a stress reaction. Well duh!
The nice young doctor suggested we think about getting some assistance with Mom.......I wanted to yell "THAT"S WHAT STARTED ALL THIS!" But just thanked him instead.
It is now almost 10 PM. We are both home, our daughters have gone back to their own homes. Mom and Dale are both in bed. I have retrieved both cars from the ER Parling lot and picked up Dale's prescription.
Me, I am still on autopilot. When Dale called from the hospital I went into survival mode, no emotions, just get things done. In a way, it's nice to know I can still function in crisis mode. I'd love to just get drunk and pretend none of today happenned, but somebody has to keep their **** together around here to take care of everyone else..... Guess who gets that little chore.
Besides, tomorrow the Visiting Physician will be coming to see Mom for the first time, and greeting them at the door with a hangover is no way to start things.....
Oh, and it's my Birthday tomorrow too. Guess I should bake me a cake. But then, the stroke that landed Mom at our house happenned the day before my Birthday years ago....Is it any wonder I prefer NOT to plan to celebrate?
Lord,
Help. I want someone to hold me and tell me that we can get through all this crap. I feel so alone here tonight. I want a shoulder to cry on.
Thank you for not taking Dale tonight.
Thank you for not taking Edith when she was so upset this morning or when she was worried that she had killed her son....Thank You that she was able to see that she is not the only one feeling stressed or upset.
Hold me Lord, I am shaking like a leaf. You have given me too much to handle and I don't know how to give it back to you to take care of. How do I let go when I am barely hanging on?
Bind Satan far from our home, our bodies, our minds. Give me Jesus hand to hold.
Amen
Edited by Gramapat on 03/02/2010 18:01
O come, let us sing to the Lord;
let us make a joyful noise to the rock of our salvation!
Let us come into his presence with thanksgiving;
let us make a joyful noise to him with songs of praise! |
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| OvercomingthruHim |
Posted on 03/02/2010 17:54
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Administrator
Posts: 4006
Joined: 13.12.08
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Pat, You will get through this. ((HUGS))
Holding up the prayer.
Inger
Fear and lies fester in darkness. The truth may wound, but it cuts clean.
God so loves YOU!!! |
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| hopeful |
Posted on 03/02/2010 17:55
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Administrator
Posts: 2352
Joined: 10.04.07
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Continuing to pray for you guys in all of this...I can't imagine the stress, but am trusting that God will bring some relief through these new channels...
(((((((hugs))))))))
"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." 2 Corinthians 4:16-18NIV |
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| Gramapat |
Posted on 03/04/2010 02:28
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Tribal Elder
Posts: 1450
Joined: 19.08.07
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The stomach continues to churn- the Visiting Physician was here yesterday- he agrees that Mom has probably broken her shoulder- xrays will be done today, here, with a portable machine. Mom seemed OK with the doctor- had a good long visit, talked about her various jobs over the years. Her conversation about her health was interesting-she contradicted herself frequently....her mind is definitely not what it used to be.
Things were somewhat ok between us until dinnertime. The doctor had asked if she would accept a medication for her shoulder, Well, the medication comes in a very complicated package, and she could not figure out how to open it. When we tried to help her, she got angry with us for treating her like a child....well, that is how she is acting- like a very spoiled 2 year old!
She is being very stubborn and downright mean, accusing us of not caring and purposely doing things to anger her.....of hiding things from her, or lying to her so that we can keep her confused! My husband is reduced to being a helpless child under the lash of Mommy's tongue...he wants to make Mommy happy, and no matter what he says or does, she turns it against him as more proof that he does not care about what SHE weants....she still believes herself perfectly capable of taking care of herself ...which is why she took 20 minutes to get a pill out of a blister pack which has a specific order printed on the package....she took the pill for the last day....oh well...if she takes 2 or 3 a day instead of 1 and then skips a few days, she is doing it herself and we can all just go to h###!
Pray for our sanity. Please.
O come, let us sing to the Lord;
let us make a joyful noise to the rock of our salvation!
Let us come into his presence with thanksgiving;
let us make a joyful noise to him with songs of praise! |
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| OvercomingthruHim |
Posted on 03/04/2010 04:39
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Administrator
Posts: 4006
Joined: 13.12.08
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What confirmation that you both are doing the right thing. Sometimes we need to find confirmation outside of people's permission or words. The day before yesterday I got a phone call from a very distraught 20 year old telling me and pleading with me that she would never betray me, never do anything to hurt us because she loves us..... and by yesterday evening she was confessing to the police where she pawned our items. I pray there comes a day soon when you and DH can laugh internally at mom's mental trips and transferred frustrations and anger at memory issues and shake your heads with a knowing smile as she rattles on and move forward as one does with a five year old who is in fantasy thoughts. Your analogy seems pretty accurate dear sister. Now comes the hard part of accepting that analogy as fact and reality instead of wishing for the alternative that the dream life would suddenly appear today where she will be accepting of her situation and grateful for all you both have done. I also pray there will come an inner peace for both of you that God sees and knows all you are doing and does not miss a single sacrifice or moment of carrying on despite this persons harsh words and refusal to see reality.
Holding you all up this am.
Love in Christ,
Inger
Fear and lies fester in darkness. The truth may wound, but it cuts clean.
God so loves YOU!!! |
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| Gramapat |
Posted on 03/10/2010 04:17
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Tribal Elder
Posts: 1450
Joined: 19.08.07
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Tuesday Morning-
So, last Saturday morning, as we were in prayer, Dale got the idea to ask his Mom about some things he remembers from his childhood but has never really understood- it started a long conversation with Mom and she asked about her book of Reminiscences....he dug it out, and she spent Saturday, Sunday , and Monday re-reading her book and making notes about additions.
She was pleasant all weekend!
Last night she went to bed around 9:00PM and at just as we were getting ready to head for bed at 11, we heard her struggling to get to the bathroom , without the walker. She was having trouble walking and was very dizzy.
She had difficulty holding herself upright in the bathroom so I grabbed the office chair and we got her back to bed- she was very weak and disoriented...Dale and I both did not expect her to wake up again....but her pulse was strong and her breathing was regular, so we went to bed.
During the night I heard her coughing and when I checked on her, she was on her stomach trying to use her trash can to throw up in, I found her slowly sliding off the bed! There was no evidence that there was any actual vomiting going on, just coughing and gaging....I got her to lay back in the bed, and she went back to sleep.
I w3atched her for a while, then went back to bed...
When I got up at 6, she had used her potty and gotten back in bed by herself, and was sound asleep.
Around 9 this morning she got up, used the bathroom and sat at the table. She ate half a slice of toast, then went back to bed.
When the xray tech got here, we had her sit up in a chair for the x-rays and she had trouble staying awake and upright....then went right back to bed...
That has continued all day- get up to the bathroom, have a few bites to eat, a sip of tea, and go back to sleep. She did ask for a banana around 5PM, but it is probably going to be a few days before she is back to eating and sitting up.
Damn. This is getting crazy making....these TIA's seem to be getting more severe and take so much out of all of us, but she continues to live. Not that we want her to die, but it is so hard to watch this struggle....
Lord, when is enough , enough?
Wednesday addition-
Yesterday she spent all day in bed, and is just now getting up. I know not what this day may bring, but Lord, be with us and hold me close. I feel like I am falling into a pit again and I cannot climb out while carrying Mom.....
Edited by Gramapat on 03/10/2010 04:19
O come, let us sing to the Lord;
let us make a joyful noise to the rock of our salvation!
Let us come into his presence with thanksgiving;
let us make a joyful noise to him with songs of praise! |
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| hopeful |
Posted on 03/10/2010 04:38
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Administrator
Posts: 2352
Joined: 10.04.07
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praying for strength and peace for this season...
"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." 2 Corinthians 4:16-18NIV |
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| OvercomingthruHim |
Posted on 03/10/2010 06:15
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Administrator
Posts: 4006
Joined: 13.12.08
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 dear sister.
Inger
Fear and lies fester in darkness. The truth may wound, but it cuts clean.
God so loves YOU!!! |
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| Gramapat |
Posted on 03/14/2010 05:03
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Tribal Elder
Posts: 1450
Joined: 19.08.07
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Mom is in better humor, but still very weak....since the xrays came back and we now know that it is the continued deterioration and degeneration of all the joints that is causing her pain, she is more willing to remain on the meds, and is not worrying so much about having bones break...but she is still in pain.
Lord, help us find whatever she needs to do or have hapen so that she can let go of this life. It hurts us to see her in such pain and be unable to fix it.
Dale and I are both tired and at the end of our wits. Sleep is not restful and days are filled with frustrations and tension.
We need you Lord, we need to feel your presence in this season of grief. Yes, we are grieving Mom's death, daily. She is dying by inches....God it feels so useless to be unable to either ease her staying or her departing...Have mercy Lord, have Mercy.
Amen
O come, let us sing to the Lord;
let us make a joyful noise to the rock of our salvation!
Let us come into his presence with thanksgiving;
let us make a joyful noise to him with songs of praise! |
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| OvercomingthruHim |
Posted on 03/14/2010 06:54
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Administrator
Posts: 4006
Joined: 13.12.08
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and love being sent you way.
Inger
Fear and lies fester in darkness. The truth may wound, but it cuts clean.
God so loves YOU!!! |
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| eminmini |
Posted on 03/14/2010 09:54
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Administrator
Posts: 3420
Joined: 09.07.07
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((( hugs )))
"Beloved, do not imitate what is evil, but what is good. He who does good is of God, he who does evil has not seen God." 3 John 1:11 |
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| autumn |
Posted on 03/14/2010 10:24
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Senior Contributor
Posts: 614
Joined: 03.06.09
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| OvercomingthruHim |
Posted on 03/14/2010 23:35
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Administrator
Posts: 4006
Joined: 13.12.08
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Just want to let you know I'm praying again for you today. ((HUGS))
Fear and lies fester in darkness. The truth may wound, but it cuts clean.
God so loves YOU!!! |
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| Gramapat |
Posted on 04/26/2010 04:06
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Tribal Elder
Posts: 1450
Joined: 19.08.07
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Prayers for continued patience for all of us would be appreciated. Mom is recovering from her UTI, but is stil recovering her strength very slowly....sleeping 18 hours a day more or less- mostly dozing when she is awake....and sleeping in bed about 12 hours.....her apetitie continues to dwindle, but that is to be expected with the decreased activity level.
Each day is slower than the last....
I am home full time now.
Lord, give us patience with one another and help us to be accepting of your will. This is all in your hands, but we are all tired. Grant us rest and peace in this household.
In Jesus Name
Amen
O come, let us sing to the Lord;
let us make a joyful noise to the rock of our salvation!
Let us come into his presence with thanksgiving;
let us make a joyful noise to him with songs of praise! |
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| eminmini |
Posted on 04/26/2010 04:27
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Administrator
Posts: 3420
Joined: 09.07.07
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Praying - wishing God would be able to give you a real discernable sign of what is next or how long you need to be holding on. I know your time away from work is frustrating/disappointing and that your budget takes a hit. ((( hugs )))
Love,
em
"Beloved, do not imitate what is evil, but what is good. He who does good is of God, he who does evil has not seen God." 3 John 1:11 |
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| Gramapat |
Posted on 04/29/2010 05:17
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Tribal Elder
Posts: 1450
Joined: 19.08.07
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Things have been going ok, then this morning MIL was walking through the kitchen and there was a dog toy on the floor. When she went to kick the toy, she missed and kicked the sleeping dog...and the dog responded by barking and snapping....now whenever the dog comes near her MIL is yelling and hitting the dog!
I am so upset. I cannot have a battle between the dog and MIL!
It is not the dog's fault! If you kick or hit a dog they are allowed to defend themselves. The dog does not understand !
He&&! I do not understand!
Lord, give me an answer here.....Help!
Amen
O come, let us sing to the Lord;
let us make a joyful noise to the rock of our salvation!
Let us come into his presence with thanksgiving;
let us make a joyful noise to him with songs of praise! |
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| hopeful |
Posted on 04/29/2010 06:58
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Administrator
Posts: 2352
Joined: 10.04.07
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Oh, Pat...how awful  That has got to be so stressful...praying the answer is right around the corner...
"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." 2 Corinthians 4:16-18NIV |
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| OvercomingthruHim |
Posted on 04/29/2010 08:06
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Administrator
Posts: 4006
Joined: 13.12.08
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Oh boy. She's not all there either. I have that with my brother and his brain trauma and my dad with aging..... it can be frustrating at times.
Fear and lies fester in darkness. The truth may wound, but it cuts clean.
God so loves YOU!!! |
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